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Jokes Blog - thebroadroom.net: Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy quotes
Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy quotes
posted by Colleen Shirazi,
Saturday, June 04, 2005
at 8:57 AM (Pacific)
I got these from imdb.
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Zaphod Beeblebrox: You mean they want to arrest me over the phone? Could be. I'm a pretty dangerous dude when I'm cornered.
Ford Prefect: Yeah. You fall to pieces so fast that people get hit by the shrapnel.
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Prosser: But the plans were on display.
Arthur Dent: On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar.
Prosser: That's the display department.
Arthur Dent: With a torch.
Prosser: The lights had probably gone.
Arthur Dent: So had the stairs.
Prosser: But you did see the notice, didn't you?
Arthur Dent: Oh, yes. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign outside the door saying "Beware of the Leopard." Ever thought of going into advertising?
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Arthur Dent: You know, it's at times like this, when I'm stuck in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young.
Ford Prefect: Why? What did she tell you?
Arthur Dent: I don't know. I didn't listen.
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Eddie: Hi there. This is Eddie, your shipboard computer, and I'm feeling just great, guys, and I know I'm just going to get a bundle of kicks out of any program you care to run through me.
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Ford Prefect: Zaphod, old mate, I trust you about as far as I could comfortably spit out a rat.
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Arthur Dent: The Earth.
Slartibartfast: Well, the Earth Mark II, in fact. We're making a copy from our original blueprints.
Arthur Dent: Are you telling me you originally *made* the Earth?
Slartibartfast: Oh, yes. Did you ever go to a place - I think it was called Norway?
Arthur Dent: No. No, I didn't.
Slartibartfast: Pity. That was one of mine. Won an award, you know.
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Arthur Dent: You know, this explains a lot. Because all my life, I've had this unaccountable feeling in my bones that something sinister was happening in the universe and that no one would tell me what it was.
Slartibartfast: Oh, no. That's just perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the universe has that.
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[Cops corner Zaphod]
Shooty: We don't want to shoot you, Beeblebrox.
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Suits me fine.
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Zaphod Beeblebrox: Hey, I thought you said you didn't want to shoot us.
Bang Bang: It isn't easy being a cop.
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Shooty: I don't go around gratuitously shooting people and then brag about it in seedy space rangers' bars. I go around gratuitously shooting people, and I agonize about it afterwards to my girlfriend.
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Shooty: Either you all give yourselves up and let us beat you up a little - though not too much, because we are firmly opposed to needless violence - or we blow up this entire planet... and one or two others that we noticed on the way over.
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Marvin: "Reverse primary thrust, Marvin." That's what they say to me. "Open airlock number 3, Marvin." "Marvin, can you pick up that piece of paper?" Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and they ask me to pick up a piece of paper.
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Marvin: The first ten million years were the worst. And the second ten million: they were the worst, too. The third ten million I didn't enjoy at all. After that, I went into a bit of a decline.
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Zaphod Beeblebrox: There's a whole new life stretching out in front of you.
Marvin: Oh, not another one.
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Zaphod Beeblebrox: It's the weird color-scheme that freaks me. Every time you try to operate one of these weird black controls, which are labeled in black on a black background, a small black light lights up black to let you know you've done it.
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Zaphod Beeblebrox: Hey, Ford. How many escape capsules are there?
Ford Prefect: None.
Zaphod Beeblebrox: You counted them?
Ford Prefect: Twice.
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