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Jokes Blog - thebroadroom.net: Goon Show excerpts #1
Goon Show excerpts #1
posted by Colleen Shirazi,
Saturday, December 31, 2005
at 12:38 PM (Pacific)
I've been trying to write this post ever since Christmas Eve, when I found out that the BBC online radio service was playing a couple of Goon Shows.
(If you have never heard The Goon Show, check out this link: The Goon Show Site, to get some background.)
After that, I realized that Goon Show scripts were all over the Net. I started out with the intention of copying and pasting a whole bunch of excerpts into one post, but then that would take forever to complete.
Anyhow here are a few from the above site.
Seagoon: Well, these earplugs seem to be all right. How much do you want for them?
Grytpype-Thynne: 100 pounds.
Seagoon: How much do you want for them?
Grytpype-Thynne: 100- Aha. Take your earplugs out.
Seagoon: Why don't you answer? I asked you, how much do you want for them?
Grytpype-Thynne: 100 pounds!
Seagoon: That's funny. I can't hear him.
Grytpype-Thynne: They cost 100- Look, take out the earplugs.
Seagoon: Stop all that silly miming, man! How much?
Grytpype-Thynne: 100 pounds!
Seagoon: I've had enough of this, Bloodnok. He obviously doesn't want to do business. Come on, get out, get out! Get out! You steaming English idiot.
Grytpype-Thynne: No, no, no! Look here-
[door slams]
Seagoon: 100 pounds for earplugs we can hear through? Ha, ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha! Not likely!
Bloodnok: Still too dark to see a thing. Thurn me blins! Who is it? Hands up!
Eccles: I can't put my hands up, I-
Bloodnok: Hands up or I fire!
Eccles: OK!
[crash]
Eccles: OWWW!
Bloodnok: Now what's happened?
Eccles: I was riding a bike!
Robin Hood and His Merry Men
Spriggs: Ding-dong! Clang! Clang! Ding-dong-dang-dang! Hear ye! Ding-dang! Stolen! One bell!.
Seagoon: We tried using a candle, but it wasn't very bright and we daren't light it.
Seagoon: As I swam ashore, I dried myself to save time.
The Histories of Pliny the Elder
Moriarty: I see that ten years in Britain have not changed your Imperial Roman outlook, Caesar.
Caesar (G): True, Moriartus, always a Roman eye.
Moriarty: Will you take wine?
Caesar: No thanks, I think I'll have a half of mild and a packet of crisps.
The International Christmas Pudding
Henry: Do you mind taking those noisy boots off?
Eccles: OK!
[thud]
[thud]
Minnie: Ah, that's better.
[thud]
Minnie: Oh! I didn't know he had three legs, Henry!
Henry: He hasn't, Min. He hasn't. He has a one-legged friend. Goodnight, Min.
Minnie: Goodnight, buddy.
[thud]
Minnie: Ooh!
Henry: Oh! He's got two one-legged friends!
[thud]
Minnie: It's that or one three-legged friend.
Scradje
Seagoon: Any cases of frozen feet?
Eccles: You didn't order any cases of frozen feet!
A Christmas Carol
Seagoon: Knock-knock!
Henry: Who is it?
Seagoon: Short man, can't reach the knocker.
Cecile Chevreau: I only had eyes for him and he only had eyes for me.
Bloodnok: That explains why we fell over a cliff.
Moriarty: Pardon me, my ami. Mon card.
Seagoon: Thank you... but there's nothing on it!
Moriarty: Look on the other side.
Seagoon: Oh! A silly place to have it printed. On the back. Now what's this? 'Messrs Fred Moriarty Limited, Sunken Westminster Floating Pier Salvage Experts'? Gad! Just the man we want!
Moriarty: Sapristi! You mean the Westminster floating pier has sunk?
Seagoon: Yes!
Moriarty: At last! Employment!
Milligan: Someone's coming up the stairs, sir!
Bloodnok: What?! Quick, burn this on the fire.
Milligan: Right. What is it?
Bloodnok: A piece of coal.
 
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